Selling Yourself Short (Part 2)

Yesterday, you discovered the difference between your level of expectations and level of acceptance. Today, let’s explore why people sell themselves short.

There are a thousand and ones colourful reasons why people sell themselves short. You and I have our own unique set of reasons. Here’s what they usually say:

• “But I’m not qualified”
• “I was never taught to do this!”
• “This thing is trivial.”
• “I’ll get to this later.”
• “Maybe next time”
• “Something’s better than nothing”
• “It’s okay, there are other days.”
• “The night is still young.”
• “It’s beyond my control”

But whatever it is, the outcome is the same: when you achieve your level of acceptance, you compromise. You just sold yourself short.

Here are some reasons why people sell themselves short:

The Number One, numero uno, reason is: fear. So deep is our fear that it paralyses us from taking any meaningful action. So deep is our fear that when the something triggers our fear, we freeze in terror.

What sort of fear?

Fear of rejection. Fear of failure. Fear of being wrong. Fear of not being accepted. Fear of the future. Fear of fear. Fear of uncontrollable circumstances. Fear of defeat. Fear of new technology.

From fear, we move on to the next reason: ignorance. Meriam-Webster defines ignorance as the state or fact of being ignorant : lack of knowledge, education, or awareness. When we’re clueless about something, our natural instinct is to reject something. Sometimes we’re even willing to reject it even if there are scientific evidence and research to support a contention! We play the role of the cynic to preserve and protect our internal values and beliefs! In the words of Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“Nothing is more frightful than ignorance in action”.

And as Elbert Hubbard puts it:

“The recipe for perpetual ignorance is: Be satisfied with your opinions and content with your knowledge.”

A third factor that leads us to selling ourselves short is our habit to justify or rationalise things. What do I mean by this? We turn what is socially unacceptable and present it in a way that it becomes logically acceptable.

Selling Yourself Short (Part 1)

Level of Expectation is the level of what you would like to have. This is usually your goals – no matter how wild or conservative it may be. It’s basically what we want in an ideal situation. We all have our “nice to have” expectations in all we do. This would be our well-intentioned goals and New Year’s resolutions – wanting to be rich, wanting to earn a certain amount of income, wanting to reduce weight.

Level of Acceptance is what we can accept. It’s the quality or quantity we’re willing to settle for. This is what determines how short we sell ourselves. This is usually the minimum.

The following table illustrates some common levels of expectations and acceptance:

 

	Level of Expectation I want…	Level of Acceptance But I’ll be content with…
Income level	RM10,000 per month	RM1,200 per month
Ideal body weight	60kg	70kg
Savings	RM20,000	RM200
Family	1 loving partner + 4 kids	a partner + some kids, we’ll see
Studies	CGPA 4.00	CGPA 2.10

The bigger the gap you have between your level of expectation and your level of acceptance, the more you’re selling yourself short!

“What Stops You?”

This post is inspired by a long-time friend who shared a problem. I decided to share it because it affects many people who want to change.

I’m not sure [what I want to change]. Because sometimes I aim… But in the end nothing happens… Then there’s the fear of meeting people…

This is the reply I got to from an inquiry regarding my Personal Development NLP Session. In whatever light you want to see this in, it’s a common struggle many people face. It is internal conflicts like this which hampers many from being the person they can be.

There are many ways people use to address this dilemma. While others successfully use positive and healthy means, there are people who succumb. The later resort to substances and alcohol, reckless activities that endanger themselves and people around them, or even go mad.

Through NLP Sessions, what NLP Practitioners will do is ask questions – some which you may feel weird. Good NLP Practitioners will use meta questioning models to really discover the deep rooted problem.

Let me take a possible weight loss client. When she comes to me for a weight loss session, I’ll ask her on how she feels about the goal, how would it be like if she achieved it, what happens if she doesn’t.

After covering the surface, using the meta questioning method, I’ll dive deeper. Asking more and more about emotions and memories, guiding my client to explore her subconscious.

From there, we will work on the remedy.

If this is not done, the chances of relapse are high. I reckon this would be the limitations of popular motivation: it does not address the root.